It's the dawn of a new day, and my Husky, Blue, is dragging another bone into the yard, but I’m not too concerned. There's an assortment of jawbones, thighbones, and an occasional femur bone scattered haphazardly beside my English Ivy. I liked my lawn looking “just so,” (still do) and every morning Blue watched broken hearted as I threw his treasure trove back over the fence into the pasture.
Before I could even get back into the house, my tenacious dog, with a “try and stop me” look in his eyes, would drag the discarded bones back into the yard. It’s these same bones that hot me out of a sticky situation.
This past Saturday morning I looked groggily out my bedroom window. Oh crap! Where is he finding them all? I groaned inwardly. It looked like a cow cemetery had thrown up in my yard. I definitely had my work cut out for me today. Coffee, I need coffee first, I thought, shuffling down the hall. Most of the time John and I work in the yard together on the weekends, but John had gone to his office early that morning, leaving the boys and I slumbering peacefully.
Chump. He probably helped the dog drag bones into the yard, I thought sourly, sipping on the coffee my spouse had so lovingly left for me. (Like I said, I’m not pleasant in the morning until coffee kicks in). After draining my cup of its precious contents, I changed my clothes and trudged outside. The dew clung to my bare feet as I picked up bones. I squatted down to retrieve a small jaw bone under the rosebush near the porch. Lovely, just lovely. I--- my thoughts were interrupted when a large brown and white torpedo in the form of a Husky barreled down the driveway and into my chest, knocking me onto my back. Blue’s sky-blue eyes stared lovingly into mine as he bathed my face with doggie kisses. “Eew! What have you gotten into?” I asked, wrinkling my nose in disgust. The dog’s breathe and coat smelled of death; dead cow to be more exact.
Blue jumped off me abruptly, and stared down the drive, his plume of a tail curled over his back. A new –looking white Mazda approached slowly and stopped directly in front of us. The driver’s door opened, and a well-groomed man, 40ish, stepped out, clad in a wrinkle-free polo shirt __________Cable stitched on the pocket, and tan slacks.
“Hello young lady. Be a gem and run along and get your mommy please,” he said, flashing me a game show host smile.
Who does this creep think he’s talking to? Without makeup, I’ve been mistaken for a teen, but this was ridiculous. Blue pressed his large body against me, and studied the stranger intently. A low growl rumbled in his throat, his hackles rising slightly. Yeah boy, I don’t like him either.
“I’m the lady of the house,” I replied coolly.
“So you are. Is your husband available?”
Why doesn’t this creep want to talk to me? “He’s occupied.” It wasn’t really a lie; John was busy, but I wasn’t about to let this stranger know he wasn’t at home.
“Do you make any of the household decisions?”
“Most of them,” I replied, narrowing my eyes until they were hazel-colored slits.
“Well, looks like I’m talking to the right person. I’d like to talk to you about changing your satellite provider. Now we—“
“Not interested.”
“You’re not letting me finish.”
“Sir, your wasting your time and mine,” I said tensely. I might have been more receptive if he had been more courteous to begin with. Blue walked over to the unwelcome stranger, sniffed his hand and gave it a small lick before walking off.
“Does your dog bite?” the salesman asked nervously.
“No, he’s just tasting you like he does everyone else,” I said. I allowed my gaze to wander purposefully over to the few bones remaining in the yard; most of them were femur bones.
The salesman too gazed at the bones. I smirked to myself when I saw him gulp nervously.
“Perhaps I should come back at a more convient time,” he said hastily as Blue sniffed his leg. He got in the car and drove off, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.
I decided to allow three of the leg bones to remain in the yard. After all, they did serve a purpose.
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